Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Never fool myself that my dreams will come true...

It is a long time since I wrote my last post.
It is a long time (about 4 months) that I am studying for an exam that tomorrow, probably, I won't pass getting the result I have been working for and I will have to give up for this month... this means I have to wait longer, for other months of my life that start looking wasted... once again.

I star thinking that it's how it has to be...

Is it my fault? Probably. Probably I haven't been strong enough... but something has changed. 
There is more pain, probably I am tired too, but these aren't the only news.

There is something that makes my mind run in a different way... a way that probably will never fit with my actual studies... but, I might be wrong... I cannot know for sure. 

Probably a previous "flower" died to let the seeds fly away to other places, toward other situations and life that are unknown now or look too far to be reached...

The only thing I can really decide to do now is to accept all this, I have to keep trying in going ahead. and let the Wind blowing along My Way.

But... why do I still feel unhappy... kinda trapped?


maya | springtree road said...

is this what you want to do with your life? if so, keep trying. you'll make it. i have faith in you.


maria stella said...

So,how was the exam?
I feel just a bit of pessimism (how do you spell?)around and, I'm telling you, when I look at your pictures I see only good things.
Are you the new doctor Jeckill and Mr Hyde?
Life is wonderful and we should thank to be alive!!!

NightOwl87 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NightOwl87 said...

If it's this what I want to do... I want to reach an high level in whatever I am doing, from being "just an human being" to being a physicist or, less possible, a photographer... I want to die knowing that I have done the best I could. I know that my "actual" situation in my studies isn't my best. It's the best possible with my "health little problems", but it's not the best I can. Anyway, I got a good mark in the exam today, but it's also the lowest I would have accepted...but in these days I was sure I would get much less and had to repeat the whole it's fine.
Thanks to believe in me, the way boyfriend, friends and family trust my skill is the only thing that makes me going on.

@maria stella.
I guess everyone is a kind of Dr Jeckill and Mr Hyde. :)
When I take a picture, especially the best pictures I feel like I am picturing God's's difficult to be negative in this situation. In the same way, when I am not reaching a good level in whatever I am doing I feel like "something is missing" and this cannot make me happy.
The exam (took at 6pm) went not bad, but everything (from the written test on feb 10th) could have been gone better. I am glad, but I am not fully happy or satisfied yet. :)
About pictures... thanks, really thanks. It's the only thing I do that still make me feeling "able in something", even if it's the same thing that everyday makes me thinking: "What the hell am I doing? Why do I keep studying physics?". But I was born in a city that give few "chances" in everything and pretty no chance in photography :)
Life is wonderful, I thank to be alive but I don't want to just "survive", I feel like I can do "more" despite I still don't know in what yet... I don't want to be arrogant, but if I have "not really big problems" I have to do the best and I get frustrated when the best isn't coming...just, when I die I want to be able to say: "Hey, I think I did my best, I hope it's true and it correspond to what You really wanted from me".

The Italian Blog said...

The best way to make dreams come true is to wake up...litlleitalyblogspot

NightOwl87 said...

Do you think I am sleeping? :)